The following article is from a newsletter (http://www.autism-essentials.com/?utm_source=aweb_aut-essentials&utm_medium=email&utm_content=FU5_bottom&utm_campaign=subscriber_tips) read by and shared by our Speech and Language Pathologist, Janalyn Biesinger:
Hello!
I'd like to talk to you today about your child's ability to
develop relationships with their peers.
Many people have the misconception that if their child had more
language then they would have more friends.
They believe that the language will help their child to be able
to go up to their peers and say "Can I play too?"
or "What are you playing?"
I don't know if you have been into a preschool lately but in reality
these questions are very rarely used by kids. Basically kids observe
what the other children are doing and then find a way of muscling
their way in!!
I have known a lot of children in the past who have had limited
language and have been one of the most popular children in the class.
Why is this so? ...because the child has been a wonderful player and
to be honest there is not a lot of talking that happens at school
...just serious playing!
So if you want to increase your child's ability to interact well
with their peers then you need to first work on building your
child's social and play skills.
The most important social skill your child needs to develop is
their ability to 'connect' and share smiles and laughter with their
play partner. Establishing this fundamental 'connection' needs to
happen first with YOU, then with A SINGLE peer and then with a
GROUP of peers.
It is likely that your child will not be very successful at forming
relationships with peers until they have developed a very strong
connection with YOU! Once a rich connection is established between
you and your child then you can concentrate on building the
connection and relationship between your child and a peer. If your
child has any brothers or sisters this is a really good place
to start.
**Remember these KEY TIPS when building a connection between your
child and a peer or sibling:
-------------------------
1. Play people-based games so that your child has maximum chance of
sharing smiles and laughter rather than focusing on a toy
(e.g. jumping on a trampoline together, dancing, chasings,
popping bubbles, singing songs etc.)
2. Avoid turn-taking/sharing games to begin with, because if your
child finds this hard then the experience will not be positive.
It is the increased connection and smiles/laughter that we are
interested in improving at this early stage.
3. Focus a lot of your energy towards the friend or sibling by using
exaggerated smiles and laughter. For example if the peer/sibling
puts on some funny glasses, laugh in an over exaggerated way with
the peer/sibling because your child will quite probably be looking
to you to share smiles and laughter. However if you are looking
towards the other child then this will help shift your child's
attention to them as well. Then you can also share your smiles and
laughter with your child so it becomes a sharing experience.
4. Also direct a lot of your comments towards the other child in
play for the same reasons as in number three. E.g. "Wow look at
Johnny's painting", "MEOW...I like the cat you drew", "Johnny, you
look funny", "Oh no! It looks like Johnny is going to fall".
I'd like to talk to you today about your child's ability to
develop relationships with their peers.
Many people have the misconception that if their child had more
language then they would have more friends.
They believe that the language will help their child to be able
to go up to their peers and say "Can I play too?"
or "What are you playing?"
I don't know if you have been into a preschool lately but in reality
these questions are very rarely used by kids. Basically kids observe
what the other children are doing and then find a way of muscling
their way in!!
I have known a lot of children in the past who have had limited
language and have been one of the most popular children in the class.
Why is this so? ...because the child has been a wonderful player and
to be honest there is not a lot of talking that happens at school
...just serious playing!
So if you want to increase your child's ability to interact well
with their peers then you need to first work on building your
child's social and play skills.
The most important social skill your child needs to develop is
their ability to 'connect' and share smiles and laughter with their
play partner. Establishing this fundamental 'connection' needs to
happen first with YOU, then with A SINGLE peer and then with a
GROUP of peers.
It is likely that your child will not be very successful at forming
relationships with peers until they have developed a very strong
connection with YOU! Once a rich connection is established between
you and your child then you can concentrate on building the
connection and relationship between your child and a peer. If your
child has any brothers or sisters this is a really good place
to start.
**Remember these KEY TIPS when building a connection between your
child and a peer or sibling:
-------------------------
1. Play people-based games so that your child has maximum chance of
sharing smiles and laughter rather than focusing on a toy
(e.g. jumping on a trampoline together, dancing, chasings,
popping bubbles, singing songs etc.)
2. Avoid turn-taking/sharing games to begin with, because if your
child finds this hard then the experience will not be positive.
It is the increased connection and smiles/laughter that we are
interested in improving at this early stage.
3. Focus a lot of your energy towards the friend or sibling by using
exaggerated smiles and laughter. For example if the peer/sibling
puts on some funny glasses, laugh in an over exaggerated way with
the peer/sibling because your child will quite probably be looking
to you to share smiles and laughter. However if you are looking
towards the other child then this will help shift your child's
attention to them as well. Then you can also share your smiles and
laughter with your child so it becomes a sharing experience.
4. Also direct a lot of your comments towards the other child in
play for the same reasons as in number three. E.g. "Wow look at
Johnny's painting", "MEOW...I like the cat you drew", "Johnny, you
look funny", "Oh no! It looks like Johnny is going to fall".